Choices… September 29, 2009

Have you ever been asked to do something that you did not want to do (for starters)…but subsequently said YES to? How did that make you feel? Compliant, Used, Disempowered, Angry, Disappointed…or just plain Dumb? Were you complaining under your breath whilst you carried out that job, role, request, promise or favor?

If you have done that before, you are not alone. But who do you blame? No one…but your good self. I encourage you to take up your responsibility and own up to that decision, as it is all about choices! Sometimes we make good ones and other times we make not so good ones (and we’ll have to face the consequences of making either choices).

Of course there are times when the need arises for us to be selfless and help out…but just as important, there are also times that we need to put ourselves first! Uh-huh, you heard what I just said. If we do not know (appreciate) how to put ourselves first, who else will?

One of my favorite authors and Coach is self-care guru Cheryl Richardson. She shares passionately about creating space and loving yourself enough to make time to care for you! If you allow yourself to be a doormat…you have just given up your right to choose (and allow others to step all over you *thank you*).

There will be times in your life when you need to say NO! Of course with a smile and with grace, it is important to stand your ground to keep your priorities in check and in focus. There is much power and responsibility in the choices that we all make.

Will you be able to stand up and be counted for what you (really want to) say and mean?

• NO = I will not marry you until I see you beginning to commit now…not after the marriage…
• NO = I will not take on more responsibilities even if it means I get new job title and a raise…
  
• NO = I will not accept anything that goes against my morals or values…
• NO = I will not be taken for a ride or for granted and my rights are important…
• YES = I will say yes to more work-life balance starting now not tomorrow…
• YES = I will respect myself more vs. be concerned of what others think of me…
• YES = I will appreciate my strengths and not look down on myself and my inabilities…
• YES = I will agree with doing something for someone because I want to…not because I’m obliged to…
• And the list goes on…

What are some tough decisions that you need to make today? Whatever the choice…be confident and be glad that you are making it…by yourself and for yourself! The more you do this, the greater the results you will experience in your life.

Stay or Jump? July 16, 2009

Have you ever been on a Boat Ride that was rocky and bumpy all the way to your destination? I for one do not enjoy a rocky boat ride. There was once I threw up all over the side of the boat whilst it anchored itself in ocean on a fishing trip. I did not manage to fish that day…but I’m sure the fish had a gala time with my “offerings”.

You know…you don’t have to be on any “boat” if you choose otherwise. But you have to realize that once you agree to go for the ride…you are at the mercy of the open waters.

When I coach, I often encounter clients feeling stuck and they often wonder why/how they ended up on a boat (of life) that they did not want to be on, in the first place. They just either went along with it…or just did not think of questioning their decision at that point of time. And hence, I would ask them this; “now that you are on the boat…what do you want to do?“

Realizing that instead of moping around or complain, they soon realize that they have a few choices

• enjoy the journey (smile bravely at the storm?)
• take over the boat (by force or negotiation?) or
• simply get off the boat!

You see…life can sometimes keep us “captive”…but I’m sure when we come to our senses, we know better and acknowledge that we have a choice. Be bold and take that step of faith! I challenge you to make a decision today to step out of your “captivity/prison/comfort zone” and perhaps…jump out of the boat!

What will be your choice today?

Taking Risks March 27, 2009

How does the word “Risk” sit in your mind? Too dangerous? Well, how does it make you feel? Unsure, Uncertain?

We all react differently in situations and when it comes to taking risks…some of us would shy away from it, whilst others simply thrive on it! (Risk Averse vs. Risk Taker) Have you ever wondered why this is so? I believe we are all wired differently but more importantly there is another more prevailing reason.

There is a direct correlation between the amount of Risk Taken and the amount of Return Expected. Financial Analysts will tell you that Risks = Return (Higher Risks = Higher Returns and vice versa). However…having lead a couple of businesses and lectured in Project Management, I have come to the conclusion that the key in Risk Taking is; “mastering the art of managing risks better”. It is true – Risk is not a wild animal that cannot be tamed!

In fact, making “everyday” decisions in our life involves Risks! But because these decisions are “trivial and small”…we simply don’t think about it…as it becomes second nature and routine – driving to work, cooking a meal in the kitchen, taking a shower. If you really think about it…you could possibly get injured doing any of the above 3 examples! (Did I hear a light bulb moment there?)

So what happens to us when it comes to “NON-everyday” decisions? Why do we just STOP at our tracks and become cautious…numb…and stuck? Is it Fear? Is it Not Knowing the Outcome? Is it simply a Lack of Self-Belief? Well…don’t fret; it happens to the best of us.

Let me share some quick “What-2-do Strategies” when faced with a Risky Moment or Decision Point…

• Get Relevant (More) Information
• Evaluate the What-Ifs
  
• Talk to an Expert (Others who have done it…Well)
• Stay away from Dream-Killers (in the form of Negative people, etc)
  
• Set Clear Objectives and Goals
• Check your “Action” Barriers (e.g.: a Bad Past Experience?)
• Project the End-Benefits in your Mind
  
• Get Clarity of Heart (Linked with your Passions)
  
• Believe in Yourself (and Your Ability)

Incidentally, today I bought a 1999 Saab 9-5 car…it was a Risk, especially when the whole world around me says to get a Japanese badged car which is more reliable, ya-da…ya-da…ya-da. I chose this car after much evaluation and going through the above Strategies. And now I dare say I have “peace in my mind and heart” that this is the Best Choice given my budget, needs and my love (vs. fear) of owning a Continental car.

Have you ever taken any risks in your life?

As one saying goes “If you win, you will be happy; If you lose, you will be wise. Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.”

I challenge you today…if you are at a Crossroad of an apparent Risky/Critical Decision…be Bold and Look Risk in the Eye…and say “BRING IT ON!” (of course, please do your ground-work looking at the Strategies above).

If still uncertain, you can always call me up and I can Coach you to Believe in Yourself! (and you’ll be glad to know that I have done this many a times and have been very successfully too) ; )

Go on…take that Risk today!